Jazz Up Your Life

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say's hello. He's rather taken a back, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "do you know me?" to which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "my God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that i screwed on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?" She said "no, I'm your sons math teacher."

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'Reality'?" Dad: "I will show you" Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"? Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity" ! Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars? Daughter: "Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!" So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"? Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!" And father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.